Friday, July 18, 2014

Season 1, Episode 1: Winter is Coming

So it is the off season and I am starting my review of older episodes to fill in the time between now and season 5 so I hope everyone enjoys and as always please leave me whatever POSITIVE feedback you might have. THX.

It starts off at the Wall and from the very first scene of the series David and Daniel establish the trend that most of the Night's Watch are pale bearded guys whose names I do not know. Maybe with this in mind the one guy without a beard and therefore identifiable is the one allowed to live from the Wight Walker attack and his lack of a beard might be a BIG plot hole since he is a grown man and goes all the way north of the Wall then down to Winterfell without even growing a five o'clock shadow.

Then we meet the Stark family who are all together and happy for the one time in the whole series and we see Arya is already better than all the men at men things. Right away Ned and Cat start building their resumes for parents of the year too by shunning the bastard son who was born that way by no fault of his own and forcing a ten year old to watch a beheading. Later Ned doubles down on the Michael and Dina Lohan parenting techniques by allowing all of his children to adopt wolves on steroids despite admitting he will not help take care of them which backs up my position on dogs like pit bulls in that it is usually the owners at fault for when these animals turn out wrong and more people should donate to the Humane Society.

Then Jaime and Cersei hae a chat and we learn Jon Arryn is dead then Ned learns Jon Arryn is dead and that the king is coming then the king comes and this all happens pretty quickly. King Bob's arrival is sort of a big deal and we learn he still loves Ned's sister more than ice queen Cersei and that he will make Ned his right Hand man ALSO Cersei seems seriously extra icy in these early episodes to the point I almost question whether she is even awake or if she isn't abusing some sort of opiate and needs an intervention with the help of loved ones and a TLC special.

We got a scene of Robb Jon and Theon with their shirts off before King Bob arrives which had me pumped for a second until we get Tyrion's introduction at which point the topless man to woman ratio flips dramatically and permanently in this show. Too frustrated to talk further about ths.

Then OMG the moment everyone is waiting for comes and we get to meet KHALEESI DAENERYS TARGARYEN for the first time!!! Emilia Clark looks STUNNING in this episode and we get to see the lows from which Khaleesi started to make her meteoric rise to the top or as Drake would say she started from the bottom now she here. That bottom includes her misogynistic brother being even more of a creeper than I remembered and sexually harassing her aureola and demeaning and objectifying her with his language and crude sexual references as well but we learn she will marry Khal Drogo and she enjoys hot baths.

Then we have a feast at Winterfell and lots of one-on-one character bits so we get to learn what everyone is about and who they like and don't and everyone seems to be having a good time which is nice BTW it makes me think of how far the Starks have fallen and we sort of see the opposite of with Khaleesi in that the Starks started from the top now they down there. Ned is dead. Robb is dead. Benjen is probably dead. Cat is a zombie. Sansa lives with a pedophile. Jon lives with Stannis. Arya is a serial killer. Bran is a tree. Rickon is still forgettable. After dinner we see Ned and Cat in the earliest stages of foreplay before they are interrupted and find out from crazy Lysa that the Lannisters killed Jon Arryn.

Then back to Khaleesi in what will stand as the worst wedding of the series for at least another 2+ seasons as she marries Drogo amidst murder and rape and misogyny but she also meets Jorah and gets her dragon eggs too which is nice. Then Drogo gives her a horse and they go off to have their wedding night in what I am selectively remembering as a passionate affair on the beach as the sun set.

Finally we hear Tyrion and the Hound and Ned and King Bob talk about hunting in VERY different contexts and Ned gives Bran the first of a gazillion telegraphed meaningful looks this season to a character he will never have a scene with again. Then Bran starts climbing again against the earlier wishes of his mother and ends up stumbling onto the twincest in action which somehow may only be the 3rd most traumatic experience of the episode for him as he shortly thereafter gets shoved out the window in a scene that may be an homage to Woody pushing Buzz out the window in Toy Story 1 (I'm on the fence about that TBH though).

The theme of this episode seems to be raising your kids right which luckily my parents did for me but not all of these characters were so lucky as we see Ned and Cat not disciplining Bran fro climbing having major consequences. Spare the rod, spoil the child, incite a civil war. Though of course I do not condone violence against children AT ALL. Also Khaleesi never really had parents yet ends up being a messiah figure with few if any faults so imagine if she was raised right too. UNSTOPPABLE.

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